"He vividly recalled those old doubts and perplexities, and it seemed to him that it was no mere chance that he recalled them now. It struck him as strange and grotesque that he should have stopped at this same spot before, as though he actually imagined he could think the same thoughts, be interested in the same theories and pictures that had interested him... so short a time ago. He felt it almost amusing, and yet it wrung his heart. Deep down, hidden far away out of sight all that seemed to him now--all his old past, his old thoughts, his old problems and all, all... He felt as though he were flying upwards, and everything was vanishing from his sight."

I walked the streets. My bag weighed me down. And I walked and I walked and I walked and I walked. But I did not purchase, no I would not purchase anything. I would read. Yes, I must finish this part before moving from the icy chair to the warmth of the bookstore only to remember gift ideas and walk immediately out. Yes, there will be children. There will always be children. The cheapest toilet paper I could find was $1.29. Granola was on sale for $1.99. And I really thought that pink dress looked nice. Yes, it did, didn't it? It would go well with a nicely tailored jacket. Yes, it will look good on our date. The one with the fancy dinner and something bubbling close to love. Sheer luck, my darling! Sheer luck. I've exhausted my mind, melting into an old movie house with an army of older ladies who wave and generously sip on small cups of water. Bless their souls, bless them! Of course, I was sad. And of course I thought of you. And you. And you. And you. Ah, but that isn't it. No? I will walk alone until you take my hand.

Alright, I caved. I bought an annual pass to Disneyland. It's about time too, huh? I practically live there. My head feels like a bowling ball. The timing for catching a virus could not be less fortunate. I must remember not to leave things to do for the last day of any weekend. Bah, no matter. I dressed as a cat for Halloween. I made ears out of a cardboard box. Take that, economy! I also slapped a tattoo of a fierce dragon between my boobs. It will bite if one attempts to capture my heart. Oh, flu-influenced entries are bound to crop up this week.

"there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad."

Baby, turn around and face me. Look me in the eye when you unbutton your shirt. Let your fingers caress each one from top to bottom. Streetcars zip by--too many for such an early afternoon. Don't let them stop you. Lift the other over your head, your bright eyes unwavering. Don't be shy; place your hands on the roof. My fingers will follow lines and form words. We are but tangled branches. Weak and fractured, fallen from our Mother. Our Father. Your jeans are nice. I like your hips.





Oh, let's end this.