Perusing the aisles of a library. Carrying a stack of picture books about ecology. The phone rings, creating a struggle to keep a firm grip on the dozen or so books and suavely answer the call. Frustrated, disheveled, slightly self-conscious, "What?"
"I'm at Longs."
"Okay."
"Do you need the coconut shampoo?"
"No, I need conditioner."
"They don't have coconut shampoo or conditioner. They have vanilla, shea butter, pomegranate..."
"Shea butter is fine. I have the shampoo already. How much are they?"
"Five bucks. So you want the shea butter conditioner?"
"Yeah, and maybe the pomegranate shampoo. I want to try that next."
"So, you want the pomegranate shampoo and the shea butter conditioner?"
"Yeah."
"Why not get two of the same?"
"What?"
"Why not get two of the shea butter."
"Because I already have the shampoo. I don't need the shampoo."
"But why would you get a different shampoo and conditioner?"
"No, I already have a shea butter shampoo. I just bought a bottle. I'm running out of conditioner."
"Oh, so why do you want the pomegranate shampoo?"
"Because that's the next one I want to try after I run out of this one."
"Oh."
"Just get the shea butter conditioner."
"You don't want any shampoo?"
"No, just the conditioner."
"Okay."
"Kay, bye."

The facial hair on the upper lip of a man is quickly becoming the sexiest fashion statement.
The market is buying into this, and so am I.

1.
I have this shirt. It's my incredibly comfortable, lucky shirt. And I may or may not have worn it in order to get a specific message across to certain mustachioed men.

2.
What would make me happier than a Christmas tree decorated with moustaches? Exactly. And during the off-season, the handlebar can be a nifty keychain! Thank you urbanoutfitters.com, for making my dreams come true.

3.
I want to disguise my boo boos with sexy mustachioed bandages. No one will ever know I cut my finger trying to make you dinner.

4.
Yes, I want this on my bed. Preferably alongside a real man with a matching moustache. Shirtless. Pants are also optional. Pillow found here.

5.
What do I want for Christmas? One of these mugs. I don't care that it's nearly thirty of my hard earned dollars to some man sitting in a run-down apartment in England. This combines two of my eternal loves: facial hair and coffee cups. Mugs found here.

6.
This is the only way I'll ever sharpen my memory. And possibly learn Swedish. Game found here.

Note: I hold no prejudice against beards either. I am a lover of all facial hair... on men. Don't point me to that bearded woman teaching at Pratt Institute. Support your fellow man through "Movember," aka No Shave November, a month that promotes men's health. For more information, visit us.movember.com